Bob Wire: Bob is a party animal, a “never going to settle down” type. Think Keanu Reeves. The best man. He is currently dating Anita Goodman. He is a lovable, stoner loser who never really grew up. He is very much into ’80s rock. His natural charm and boyish nature have led to him having an affair with the bride, Summer.
Summer McDonald: The bride (bridezilla). Summer is a shameless gold-digger, consumed by the idea of having the perfect wedding. Summer is often sugary sweet, then furiously angry. She’ll be in whatever mood is needed to get her way. She is trying to break off an affair with the best man, Bob. Summer is constantly attempting to change the groom, Neil, into the man she wishes she was marrying.
Summer: Bob!!! Where is the band? Why did you not introduce a band? Where is my Celine Dion impersonator?!? Where is she?!? (Looks at the crowd.) And WHO are these people?! I don’t even KNOW any of them! What’s going on, BOB?!?!
Bob: Whoa, whoa! Calm down, Summer, it’s not that bad.
Summer: Not that bad?! Nothing is the way I want it to be! Whose fault is THAT, Bob?
Bob: Well, as you know, your future forever has mild dyslexia and apparently, he switched the date on the invitations. So, like, most of the people you know aren’t coming, and there’s no band… Or a Celine Dion impersonator. So, basically… It’s Neil’s fault.
Summer: NEIL!!
Bob: Hey, whoa! It’s bad luck for you to see Neil before you two crazy lovebirds get hitched!
Summer: That’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said, Bob. ANITA! Anita, get up here! Where is she?! I need Anita to go talk to Neil and relay a very important message for me! It is:
Neil, you’re an idiot. My mother was right; aside from your vast wealth as a dentist, there really isn’t that much good about you. I can’t stand that you are a grown man and you still read comic books, and you still play video games, and you still wear onesie pajamas, and you DON’T buy me all the things I want, and you don’t know how to properly groom yourself, AND you’re an embarrassment to me, my family, and your profession!!! (This should be said very fast and run on. Oh, forget it. I will just have her slap him. Well, he deserves it, ruining my very special day and all.)
Bob: Okay, whoa. This is getting way too harsh. I can see that you’re stressed, but why don’t you just relax? It’s just a wedding; it’s not that big a deal.