Brooks Ann Dunn/Lauren Order: Brooks is a 1920s flapper. She is stepsister to Don Don Dunn Jr. Her mother is Getta Dunn. She is scared of her brother at times but likes to push him as far as she can. She is a very strong woman who hates this arranged marriage set up.
Brooks: (Brooks is very bitter about today. This speech is done through a clenched-teeth smile.)
Dames and gents! Dames and gents, can I PLEASE have your attention!?!
I am Brooks Ann Dunn! Before we go any further, please turn off your cellular-do-dads, electronic gizmos, and small children. Thank you. Welcome to Don Don Dunn’s Speakeasy. I said, welcome to the GREAT Don Dunn’s speakeasy! Can I get one of those famous Don Dunn “Eeeeeyyyyyy”s!?!
This isn’t just ANY day here, nope. THIS is the most important day of my life! My wedding day! I’ve been getting a LOT, and I mean A LOT, of questions. “Brooks, where have you been basically your entire life? I didn’t know Don Dunn Sr. had a stepdaughter!” I’ve been getting it all night, so let me say it clearly for everyone. YES, I am the long-lost Brooks Ann Dunn, the one who has been tucked away in a Toronto, Canada boarding school since she was five, never to be visited or brought home on holidays.
This WAS going to be MY very special occasion. Tradition would dictate that I had a hand in the invitation process. I had made a list, but since my stepbrother, Don Don Jr., is the new head of the family, he... overruled me. He picked each and every person to receive an invite, such as the RIVAL MAFIA DON Ivan Stoned. I don’t recognize most of you. The ones I do... I wish I didn’t.
Ladies and gentlemen, there are many traditions that we will be foregoing today, such as meeting my groom. I’ve heard that he’s been the Stoned family accountant for decades. Oooh, an accountant, it’s like a fairy tale. (Points to a woman in the audience.) Hands off, lady, the forty-year-old, bald, portly mob accountant who I just saw a picture of today is all mine. Jackpot. (Forced, sad laugh.) He-he-he.